Asperger’s and Dyspraxia

I thought I would write a blog post where I talked about my Asperger’s and Dyspraxia in detail, rather than just touching on them slightly.

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was about 5. I’d been having fits when I was a tiny tot and from what I recall following the treatment I came down with Asperger’s or something along those lines, I can’t quite remember the story. But in my first year of Primary School I was a bit troublesome, things like not responding to the school bell and going off into my own little world quite a lot, being unable to colour inside the lines and the odd temper tantrum, so someone was taken in to monitor me. Due to the fact I had “helpers” throughout school-someone who’d sit with me and just offer me support and guidance- I realised there was something different about me so aged 10 I asked my parents and they told me about my Asperger’s.

Asperger’s is a form of Autism, and Autism comes in various levels. There’s more extreme cases where the person needs round the clock care and is notably different. I remember going to some kind of do as a kid and there was an autistic boy there and I remember him casually peeing on the floor, and I think he tried to bite someone too. Then you get High Functioning Autism, then you get Asperger’s. ADHD, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia kind of fall into the same category I believe.

Some of the common traits associated with Asperger’s don’t apply to me. For example, many people with it don’t like change, for example if a child with Asperger’s comes home to find their room has been tidied up and things have been moved around, it may freak them out. I notice change, I’ll notice if a restaurant has a different layout than the last time I was in but it won’t affect me negatively. A lot of people with it don’t like being touched-you get a lot of mothers of people with it having to come to terms with the fact that they may never get to hold their child, but I’d consider myself very affectionate. Another common trait is lack of emotion, yet I was the sort of kid who’d cry when the teacher shouted at me. Of course this doesn’t mean I don’t have it, there are probably some traits I show that others don’t. No person with Asperger’s is the same.

One trait I do have is an obsessive trait. People with Asperger’s develop a passion about something and will develop an almost encyclopedic knowledge of it. I’m like that with football, and with New Found Glory. As a kid, I’d talk to anyone about football, regardless of whether they liked it or not. I know pretty much everything about New Found Glory, I could probably name all their tracks off each album in order, including the bonus tracks. If I could go on Mastermind and do New Found Glory I’d ace it. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that other people can’t see how catchy their songs are, but in reality it’s just differing musical tastes.

I also have difficulty sleeping. I’ll often not go to sleep until about 3AM and then will wake up in the night, which apparently is another Asperger’s trait.

I said earlier about not lacking emotion, and while I don’t I do struggle at times to display it outwardly. In job interviews for example you’re expected to smile, but I can’t fake smile to save my life, and unless I’m genuinely happy, the best they’re going to get is an awkward smile which looks painfully forced and not warm at all. Sometimes I don’t give off the right signals that I’m interested about something, even though inside I know I am. You have to remember to say things like “that’s really interesting!” and make sure you don’t sound sarcastic.

Dyspraxia in simple terms means being clumsy and tends to come as part of the package with Asperger’s, at least in my case. People with Asperger’s are said to have difficulties in opening jars (check) riding a bike (check-well I can, but I wouldn’t say I ever feel comfortable), they move awkwardly (check-I have flat feet too), an odd or bouncy gait or posture (check) poor handwriting (check) or problems with visual-motor integration (check).

As an example, if you gave me a piece of paper and asked me to cut out identical squares, I simply could not do it. Practical, fiddly tasks are a nightmare for me. Incredibly cumbersome. It also effects my voice and means I don’t enunciate or formulate words very well, which means I tend to mumble or speak too fast so people can’t understand what I’m saying and I have to repeat myself. Part of the reason why I don’t like speaking much, because I hate the sound of my own voice.

When playing the keyboard, I’ll often hit the wrong note by mistake, and the iPhone keyboard is a complete nightmare. In some cases it will take me an age to type something into Wikipedia because I’ll keep hitting the wrong letter.

Handwriting is another thing, I sometimes can’t even read my own writing. I’ll write a note, then about an hour later will be unable to tell you what it says. If I write for more than a few minutes straight my arm starts to ache.

While Asperger’s can’t be cured, it can be managed in my view. Take the football obsession for instance, as I said earlier, as a kid, I’d witter on about football and probably drive people crazy. Now I know that some people aren’t really keen on it and that there’s other stuff to talk about. Of course I’d still mention it briefly, for example if a friend asked me how my weekend was I’d say “I went to watch Cheltenham, we won 1-0” and might mention if there was something particularly interesting like “there was a pitch invasion” but I wouldn’t start saying “and then in the 62nd minutes Mark Yates made a substitution which I thought was a good decision”. Also, people with Asperger’s tend to be blunter. A kid with it might say to an overweight person “why are you so fat?” because they don’t realise it’s an inappropriate thing to say. Usually in time they’ll realise that it’s not an appropriate thing to say and be able to hold back. It’s not like Tourette’s where you simply can’t fight the urge to shout something out, certain aspects of it can be phased out, in my view at least. Or get less pronounced/severe as you get older. I mean, that kid at the party, he’s probably about 20 now. While he’s probably still seen as a bit different, I doubt he starts casually peeing in public or biting people. I hope not, anyway.

Sometimes yes, I do wonder whether I have it or not, and others I’m certain that I do. I consider myself very socially awkward for example and often don’t know what to say and will be silent for long periods which to people will look like I’m not interested when in reality I’m listening intently, but then I’m sure that can be the case for people without it. Loads of people are shy and somewhat awkward. My Asperger’s to my belief is milder-I definitely have some of the traits, and consider myself “different” but I’m able to blend into society reasonably well. I can go to various places on the train, go into pubs on my own and have a drink and as far as I know not stand out as any different. I can hold a conversation with a bit of hard work. I think in my case I know I’m more self aware and realise pretty quickly if I’ve said the wrong thing and will think to myself “what on earth did I say that for, what an odd thing to say, barely even made sense.” I definitely have the dyspraxia traits that’s for sure. Maybe I swing more towards the physical side of the “disorder” than the mental side.

I must apologise this has turned into some kind of mini dissertation. I think that’s all for now, if anyone wants to ask me questions about Asperger’s/Dyspraxia then feel free to leave a comment or tweet me or something like that.

Bye for now!